The prodigal Twinkies shall return after all


May whatever deities one prays to be praised, as Twinkies shall return. Photo Credit: Larry D. Moore/Wikimedia Commons/CC-BY-SA

Many looked upon the end of Hostess and the Twinkie, and lo, did they do much despairing. However, an offer has been accepted for the Twinkie as a brand and the little cream-filled snack cake is set to return to stores.

Twinkies, like MacArthur, shall return

Millions were stunned in late 2012 as Hostess Foods, erstwhile manufacturer of such products as Wonderbread, Ding Dongs, Zingers, rubbery tasting chocolate donuts and, of course, Twinkies, was going out of business. Union shenanigans doomed the brand to extinction, as a baker’s union could not reach an agreement over retirement benefits to keep the company in business.

Which was kind of stupid on their part. If a company goes out of business and everyone gets fired, it’s not like they’ll have benefits to fight over, is it?

Anyhow, many mourned the demise of Twinkies. People began hoarding and black markets teemed. However, there is good news, as an offer to buy the rights to the Twinkies brand has been accepted during bankruptcy proceedings and Twinkies, just as Douglas MacArthur promised he would, shall return, according to CNN.

Not back on shelves just yet

And the lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, sloths, carp, anchovies, orangutans, breakfast cereals, fruit bats and so on.

Hostess is being liquidated in bankruptcy court as no loans could save it, selling off parts to the highest or, in the case of Twinkies, the only bidder. A joint bid from Metropolous and Co. and Apollo Global Management, for $410 million was accepted. Theirs was the only one and won the bidding by default, though as the philosopher Homer Simpson observed, default is the two sweetest words in the English language.

It wasn’t all they got. The bid was also for the rights to the rest of the line of Hostess snack cakes, five bakeries and the Dolly Madison snack cakes line, a stashed supply of which was rumored to have been smuggled out of the White House as the Obamas approached the capital.

Other brands to be rescued

McKee’s Foods, the company that makes Little Debbie, is also bidding for Hostess’ Drake line, which makes Devil Dogs and other treats, according to USA Today.

Flowers Foods, according to CNN, successfully bid $360 million for Hostess bread brands, including Nature’s Pride, Merita, Home Pride, Butternut and Wonder bread, so that line shall apparently live on as well. Flowers also got 20 bakeries as part of the deal.

Hopefully they don’t hire the old employees back. The Baker’s Union’s unwillingness to bend cost almost 18,500 people their jobs. Cutting off one’s nose to spite one’s face is not a good idea, which is why people say not to do it.




USA Today

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